Not in a physical sense, of course. I want to put aside any fears you may have about just how short lived this blog might be. What I want is to do away with the brambles and the thorns. All of the obstructions between me and everything else. To choose to be a better person and to shed the past five years of compounded bad decisions.
At least the past five years of bad decisions.
Admissions.
Over the past five years I have done the following.
-Ignored opportunities for work that while not immediately life-changing would've at least spun the gears a little in that direction.
-Failed to complete more than a few creative pursuits for which a gentle nudge in the confidence would've been my reward.
-Through my thoughtless and selfish actions caused very real hurt to someone I cared about. Something, up until that point in my life, I would've thought to be impossible for me to do.
-Continued to put the cart before the horse when it comes to girls until now it seems that all I fucking have is fucking carts and not a pony to speak of.
-Tried anti-depressants and found that all they did was make it tolerable for me to stick with a lousy job I should've never taken in the first place.
-Got myself all wound up in one particular girl to the point of neurosis, and then once it was done. Let it happen all over again. At least two more times. With the same girl.
-And became so convinced of my friend's and family's disappointment in me that I'd often willfully avoid the only people who care about me.
It's barely a complete list. But it is the Inferno to my Divine Comedy. Everything else largely consists of the banality of Purgatory with the rarest glimpses of Paradise.
And that'll be the last time I try to impress you by mentioning Dante.
So by putting this list out here, what have I achieved? At best a little catharsis. But I think if I continue to write here and am honest about documenting the tiny strides I make toward whatever eventuality, you might just see me become the person I want to be.
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